You're so nebulous sometimes
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Randomize
