I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
