are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
