Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
