Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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