Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
