At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
