the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
