the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
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