sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
