I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
50% drunk capacity currently
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
