oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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