I skipped work to stalk him.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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