I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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