I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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