She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
