just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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