ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
