woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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