When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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