We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I think my moral compass just broke
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