nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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