Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
