glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
