Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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