You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
