I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Randomize
