i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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