So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
