she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
