Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Randomize
