The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
