Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
