I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
