dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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