Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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