i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Randomize
