So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I currently don't understand fingers.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
