Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
