Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
