the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
