that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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