My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
