do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
