i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
