so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
