And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
