The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
