Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
