Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
