he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
