Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
