I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Randomize
