Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
