We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
