I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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