if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
