Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
