Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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