FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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