she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Im part way to drunk.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
